Winner doesn't quit and quitter never wins

Pepatah yg menarik n emank Ok banget..
But it doesn't always happen that way,,, sometimes quitting can be the only way to win...

I'll use this phrase to explain where am I at at the moment, I quit my position as an I-care leader..
It didn't happen just like that, it took heaps of considerations to come up with that decision..

Ok, nich ide nongol dari seseorang yg ngusulin gw buat ceritain kenapa gw quit jadi i-care leader...

Sedikit history tentang i-care yg gw pernah nimbrungi, pas pertama gw diajak ke i-care H.O.T (House of Temptations) upppss, maksud gw House of ... errr -sorry gw bener2 lupa what's the T stands for...
tuch i-care sebenarnya rame bgt, tp pas gw pertama gabung katanya uda banyak banget yg back forgood ke indo.. jadi banyakan anak2 baru daripada anak2 lama...
dan nge-link ke cerita exclusive gw, i-care qta punya issue seperti itu...

SEtelah itu, dari pihak atasan, karna qta keramean, qta diusulin buat pecah(pecah as in dibagi ke group yg lebih kecil n jadi bisa expand lebih lagi)..
Itu masa2 yg sulit banget, tp akhirnya keputusan diambil juga(cuma dari satu pihak, n leader lama tetep jadi leader n leader baru ditunjuk a.k.a dipaksa) lol
n I was one out of the three candidates to be chosen as an i-care leader..

Banyak kontroversi dari pihak di atas qta, as all of u may know, gereja merupakan organisasi pertama di dunia, n ada yg in charge dalam pengelompokan i-care..
ternyata pengelompokan setelah i-care dipecah ini kurang mendapat persetujuan dari pihak di atas, n keputusan memilih i-care leader nya pun menurut mereka tidak dipertimbangkan secara benar2.. n ohh well, i-care leader baru uda ditunjuk, n nasi uda menjadi bubur..
DAri pihak gw, gw sich setuju aja i-care nya pecah n gw setuju juga dengan calon i-care leader nya...
Setelah dipecah itu, gw dimasukin ke i-care yg baru, n qta kasi nama M.A.D (make a different/make a difference) either way...
nich i-care sich gokil, rata2 anak2nya seumuran dengan background yg mirip2 n hobi yg mostly sama... keterlaluan dech kompak nya qta,,,
lol
dari smua anggota nya, cuma ada dua yg dari pedalaman Ponti n sisanya dari Jakarta, jadi bahasa utama qta bahasa indo, campur inggris n ga ada bahasa jawa2 nya...
Visi i-care qta : to survive.. lol ini anak2 yg ngomong lho
kalo ga salah, i-care qta bertahan sekitar 6 bulan, kalo ga salah ya, trus leader qta mesti back forgood, jadi leader qta mesti nunjuk i-care leader yg laen..
ga tau nich nasib baik atau buruk, gw dipercayakan untuk take over menjadi i-care leader, wakakak... dgn beberapa alasan yg masuk akal, gw ga bisa nolak...
pernah kan ya, lu dikasi pilihan untuk memilih mao yg tangan kiri ato tangan kanan, tp di kedua tangan itu barangnya sama..
seperti itulah gw pas itu...

akhirnya, dengan motivasi yg sungguh2 n kekuatan dari dalam diri gw, gw menerimanya... n gw yakin banget Tuhan pengen gw in charge pelayanan dalam bidang ini... keyakinan yg berujung salah..
gw berusaha mencari support dari yg diatas, gw dikasi tau mesti gimana2, dikasi tau sisi2 jelek i-care M.A.D, yg harus diperbaiki...
I had a lot of pressures, i put myself into two different shoes, n I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities.. It was before holiday that my i-care leader announced me as the new one, and during holiday we had i-care gabungan dgn yg laen, jadi pas liburan gw blm official jadi i-care leader dalam i-care M.A.D
gw berasa gw ga dianggap(not from the internal M.A.D tapi dari luar nya) , pretty disappointed, but I thought I can survive n hanging in there...
setelah liburan, akhirnya gw official jadi leader nya M.A.D, bangga?? tentu tidak...
stress? tentu iya...
yg gw liat, we were actually doing fine, but just fine is not enough for them, so they put more pressure and I almost cracked all the times...
i-care berjalan selama 4 bulan, abis itu qta ada summer break selama dua bulan n i-care gabungan lagi...
balik2 dari liburan, dicetuskan bahwa i-care bakal dipecah lagi, students sama students n prof sama prof...
ada pros and kons dech, n gw ditunjuk jadi i-care leader dgn personnel yg ga smua nya sama...
I was excited at the first time, hehm maybe i can do better this time...
the first month of the new i-care, 2 orang yg dipercayakan di i-care baru ini( qta menamakan nya S.B.S see believe and surrender) quit, dgn alasan ga comfy and susah gabung, hubungan internal dlm i-care pun ga berjalan sesuai rencana...
wakakkak, terdapat 2 pihak dlm i-care...gw inget banget, ari pertama qta i-care pihak 1 bilang it was doing good, and pihak 2 langsung lapor atasan n complaint nich sich gila masukin gw di i-care ini, gw ga mungkin tahan, bla bla bla yg akhirnya minggu depan nya gw seperti disidang oleh atasan...
oh well,, more and more pressure...

i did my best to put both this group together, wahhh menjadi perantara itu tidak menyenangkan... terlintas di pikiran gw, gw mesti quit...
Jrenngggg, nongol lha tuch pepatah, winner doesn't quit n quitter never wins...
wah, akhirnya gw kehilangan motivasi, i-care cuma sekedar i-care n u da ga ada esensi nya,,,
there were no supports whatsoever dari manapun, smua orang cuma bilang, u're doing fine Santo, don't burnt out, tau lha typical kata2 motivasi yg ga berefek apa2..
n gw cuma bilang, yeaa, i'm still hanging in there,,,
sebenarnya gw sayang banget ma smua yg ada di i-care, but i can't just hanging in there all the times... i need a breakthru...
i tried n tried n it kept falling down.. I'm desperately going nowhere...
i-care cuma menjadi salah satu aktivitas di hari jumat malam...
n it becomes a concern that this i-care is in crisis, barulah bala bantuan datang, n it came just about when i wanna drop it..
it's pointless, n i know i can't handle it... it was just too late... I quit... untuk kepentingan bersama, coz what's the whole point of doing it without any passion and fire...
I quit and drop off all of them, every single thing...
this is not my part, i can't handle the responsibilites and i should let others who are more capable than i am...
so, i quit in a motive to get things goin better,,,
n so it is, i-care is not my part, n it's a win-win situation for me...

To sum it up, i think i win myself to drop it off and quitting is not a bad thing to do..
Does this sound selfish?? well, tell me when u're in this position...

SAnto